Are we Just Bullies?

It seems we are more aware of the issue of bullying than we once were when it comes to the playground and children. We campaign to stop it. We want schools to be aware of it. There are organisations to support its victims. Such awareness is long overdue. As a survivor of school yard bullying the issue is one I take very seriously. I hope there is no one who will have to tolerate it.

As an adult I've started to wonder how far bullying still goes on? We'd like to think this is stuff of the playground, that as adults we don't bully and won't be bullied. I'm not sure how true this is. Adults may be bullied in the workplace, their communities, even by family members. In the workplace we can possibly complain (though often don't). But what about bullying elsewhere? Social media has introduced a new element to childhood bullying, behind closed doors in the safety of home bullying can occur online. Is this happening to adults? I believe so. Social Networking sites have their own hierarchy of users and cliques, people with more friends than others, etc, snide remarks, gossip. We may find ourselves in the position to the feeling of being excluded from the circle of the popular kids at school. The advantages of social networking are numerous for businesses and anyone with a product to sell, but is there a downside? Perhaps so. Are social networking sites used to gossip? Are we saying things that in any other context would be slander or at very least mean? Do we put other people down to make ourselves look better? Do we say things with a smiley emoticon that we would never say to a friend?

The danger of social networking is that we do all this. Behind a smiley face or wink icon we can be as bitchy as we want. We can say things we'd never say to a colleague. Worse, we can say this in a public forum. We don't think much of it even. Hey, we can say its a joke. Whoever leaves a comment and wonders how supportive is this? Could what I'm saying be the start of a rumour that is damaging to someone's career? More importantly, would I say this to someone's face? On the net it seems saying anything is fair game as long as we use to right emoticon or post a link to 'Thank you for being a friend.' I'm not sure it is. Facebook is a site that began as a way to stay in touch with friends. perhaps like many people I opened an account to see photos of where people I'd lost touch with live now and hear about what they are doing. It was fun. Increasingly though Facebook is more than this. Publishers, recording labels, writers, song writers and musicians use it as a place to create awareness of their brand and work. We are expected to. The nature of this is it isn't friends but colleagues we are adding to our list. A negative comment about us, a snide remark, even a joke is there for colleagues to see, to potentially start rumours that may be damaging personally or professionally. We don't consider this, it's only facebook after all.

Social networking has created a blurring of boundaries, but our attitude to how we use it hasn't changed. On facebook we may find ourselves at the equivalent of a business meeting in our pyjamas. Even something as simple as deleting a friend from a friends list may be noticed by colleagues and begin gossip and speculation. But no one deletes a friend and considers this. Likewise to don't consider if what we are saying publicly about someone else may be damaging. For instance, a friend left a comment on my facebook page once saying I should write about being a failed poet who can't find a publisher. As well intended as such a comment may be someone reading it out of context or otherwise may see such a comment and say to someone 'She can't find a publisher' (certainly damaging in a network of writers and publishers.) Infact, I have made no attempts to find a publisher and have sent no poetry to any publisher whatsoever! But such a comment used out of context can create the impression that I've tried and failed. If I was to send work out at any point publishers on facebook may dismiss work as soon as it arrives, prejudiced by the belief that the work has been rejected everywhere! I suppose we'd all like to think such things don't happen, but we are being naive (when it comes to facebook we may have a light tone, but we still read into things and speculate- I've had people approach me based on their interpretation of jokey messages to ask if so and so is sleeping with so and so or so so is getting divorced.) It happens, yet we don't consider when we delete a friend or leave a comment how it may be interpreted and what effect it may have on someone or their career.

It's time to stop bullying, spreading rumours. With the merging of friends and colleagues the carefree snide smiley face days of facebook and other social networking sites may be gone. Just when we thought we could be flippant it may be time once again to think about what we say.