I'm thrilled to be able to announce I was shortlisted for The Arvon International Poetry Competition this year.
I should have been jumping up and down when I heard. Actually, it was so unexpected it was a shock. I read the letter about it under a banner of 'in reference to your submission'... It didn't sound promising. I opened the document and found I'd been shortlisted! And what did I do? My hands shook. I had to read it seven times to check i'd read it right. Then I burst into tears! Pathetic!
At the risk of being unfashionably self deprecating I'll say this- to be honest this news came at a time when I felt my poetry adventures were O. V . E. R. That belief, that quiet little knowledge writers need sometimes that this is better work than before and someone will enjoy it someday, was lost to me. I started the year with it, bit by bit it slipped away. I was sitting on work I felt was good and was too scared to even send it anywhere. After reading some horrible comments about my work online I finally hung up my poetry slippers and said 'stuff this, I'm done.' Then something happened.
I got up on the Monday after reading the nasty comment and said, 'Yep, I have no faith, but I said I was going to enter this competition so I will honour this one last promise to my work.' I worked on the poem I had in mind, edited again, many times, printed it out twenty times. The poem was getting better. I worked on it more. I sent it before I could change my mind.
To be honest I sent it and part of me thought 'Should I bother?' But I did. I sent it like a gambling man putting the last pennies in his pocket on a horse he isn't sure he belives in anymore.
I'm glad I did. Getting shortlisted was a huge relief, to see something that confirmed I wasn't a bad writer. It felt like full circle that it was the Arvon Competition. The first encouragement I ever got as a writer was at Arvon. I was on the dole. I was doing a part time MA. I was on the waiting list for a job in the centre I didn't really want. There was a local arts competition to win a bursary to pay for a place on an Arvon Course. I entered work and won. I didn't have much faith in my work and the Arvon course changed that. The tutors were encouraging and kind. They didn't even care I was too scared to read out loud. Just when I needed it Arvon set me on track as a writer. Now, just when i'd about given up the honour of being on the Arvon Competition shortlist gave me a much needed injection of faith I hope will set me back on the path.
Congratulations to everyone shortlisted and the winners. They'll be going to an awards ceremony in London. I hope they have a great time. I was tempted to go, but I've never been to anything like that before. I couldn't imagine it. There'd be poets there, yeah, but what is some of them are famous? Is it cool to talk to them? Is it silly to ask them to sign your books? Are you supposed to ignore them to stay cool? It's an unknown etiquette landmine!I know so little about all that :)I weighed the odds, counted my writing piggy bank and saw there wasn't enough in it to get me to London and back. I wondered if I was supposed to get someone to go on my behalf. I had no idea.Thinking about it, I wasn't sure there was anyone I could ask.
Moreso, I thought I daren't go- what if something weird happens like someone says 'I liked your poem' or 'it was a good poem'. I thought of how I'd sat and cried with relief, joy, whatever, the day I found out about being shortlisted and decided it was too risky.If someone said they liked the poem I might just go down in interweb history as that silly poet who cried in the room full of proper poets!So I'm staying home, raising a glass to the shortlist, Arvon, the judges and the winners of the competition. Well done for getting there, well done for good writing, and well done for taking a chance.
I'm delighted my poem will be in the Arvon anthology. I'm honoured to be shortlisted. It's just what I needed to make me feel like a writer again :)
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